35

When my father turned 35
It was to be the last earthday he would spend alive
He died 25 days, 4 hours and 50 minutes short of 36
A lifetime short of his dreams
His life clipped, snipped, cut down
From then to now it seemed like the tic toc of life's clock was serenading my ears
I was scared feared that the beat would stop
Cheat me of a finish, drop mid-song
Abruptly like his did
I was just a kid
While I was only 10 I figured my life would end somewhere short of this like his
So this year I greet 5 and 30 with a kiss
Like a chance encounter with a lover I had thought I might miss
And though I still stand in the shadow of my father
Always his fatherless daughter
Who cannot evade the grips of missing him which persist even while I resist them
While I cannot prevent myself from wishing time and again
That he was here, last year, this year, next year
I have made a pact for peace of sorts
Pieced together compromise...to live
Hopefully for another 35
Forgive, forgive, forgive both death and life
And be totally, completely ALIVE
To live as he did...building in the moment, anticipating the future, respectful of the past
Savoring each and every second as if it is both the first, forever, and the last....

GoddessEye

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